mused with mary

Friends are so important.

Friends are so important.

I have never had an overly abundant amount of friends. When I say “friends” here I am referring to those I feel comfortable enough to: 1. share my deepest, darkest feelings, desires, dreams, and secrets with. and 2. walk around without any pants on (ha ha seriously though). Despite popular belief, there are many, many  times I have felt very lonely and have been in desperate need of a listening ear. In some ways, this is my fault. I am an introvert. Meaning I really really really like to keep to myself. I am socially awkward (again – despite popular belief) and I just feel more comfortable around myself, and only myself. I love to read and I love to write (enter: expressing feelings through writing is one of my true loves) and I love to lay in my bed and watch Breaking Bad, or The Big Bang Theory, or movies, or work out (by myself), or study (yep, I like to study). I have felt social anxiety, social isolation, and social awkwardness. Nobody, I repeat nobody is “immune” to feeling lonely. I don’t care about your status, your wealth, your popularity, or your looks. These things cannot provide for you the things that real, genuine friends can. As much as I love being alone, I feel so loved and comforted when I spend time with my very best friends. So! If you feel alone half of the time like I do, first of all you are always – I truly do not care who you are – welcome to call/text/hangout with me. If you can drag me out of the house of course. heheh

HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS IN THREE SIMPLE STEPS

1. be open minded.

A hard thing for most. a hard thing for me sometimes. stepping outside of your comfort zone of friends is probably one of the most uncomfortable/scary/awkward things ever. “hi, i know we don’t know each other but i think it’d be cool if we were friends” isn’t exactly the easiest way to approach someone. This is where becoming open minded is CRITICAL. People you don’t usually hang with are probably just as uncomfortable as you are when you walk up and decide to strike up a conversation. So just remain open minded about their feelings, beliefs, appearance, behaviors, hobbies, and actions. Not everyone is going to be like you are. But when you suppress the initial notion to judge someone, you have the potential to create a beautiful and unique friendship. Accept the weirdness, embrace the weirdness, become friends with the weirdness. It is a natural and inevitable part of life.

2. be nice.

Seems simple right? I have recently developed the urge to conduct a study of what initiates and strengthens a friendship. I am currently working on research method, but of course I will share my results when the study is over (could be a while considering finals, Christmas, Christmas, and Christmas). My guess though? Mutual dissatisfaction with another human being. “You hate her, too? Let’s be best friends!” or “Your boyfriend broke your heart, too? Join the hate club! Until one of us becomes in a relationship again, and then the hate club is no longer existing, and we no longer will be friends.” Okay, these may be extreme exaggerations, but I honestly feel like this is how some of the high school friendships are created. I also will go to state that I think these friendships don’t last. You cannot create something that is supposed to be uplifting, positive, and encouraging out of something fueled by hate. While it is so tempting to talk negatively about another individual (let me clarify that I am not a perfect example of this!), I have found it to be more beneficial to develop a friendship with someone over a mutual interest in something that you both don’t hate. So choose to be nice over negative and you will find yourself surrounded by authentic friends!

3. be yourself.

the hardest one of all. Being ourselves. Not conforming. It is a proven fact that conformity (check out the Milgram experiment) is unavoidable. Don’t do something just because someone else is doing it. Set boundaries for yourself and stick to them. Always be who you REALLY are. In the end, you don’t want to be friends with someone who doesn’t like (or know) the real you anyways. You are an amazing, unique, and worthy individual. Don’t mask that awesomeness with something plain and unoriginal.

I hope this helped you guys as much as it helped me. I write these posts to essentially help me analyze and better understand my life. I always appreciate your uplifting and encouraging feedback. have a nice eveningggg 🙂