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Structured chaos

Life is busy. We are running around, chasing dreams that have us hooked like the bait on a hook, and life unravels its tightly woven, clean lines. I have found that peace and stillness lies within delighting each moment that leaves you feeling frazzled AND those that leave you feeling gratified. This is the busiest semester I have had at Belmont: everyday, I am waking early to study, running to class, popping into meetings, driving to the lab, spending hours doing research, then driving back late at night and finding I haven’t eaten in a while or gone to the gym for the day. So I take the time to eat, work out if I can, and talk with my roommates. Then I finish up studying/homework and find myself in bed usually past midnight and honestly wanting to watch some Netflix. There are some days that literally every half hour of my day is planned and inscribed in my planner. There are days were I have to be six different places within a few hours. This is not unique to me. My friends and classmates are equally as busy, running around doing their amazing things and chasing their dreams. We are all working so hard, always keeping in mind that elusive goal that we are chasing so fervently. It is one of the beautiful things about college, being surrounded by like-minded and motivated individuals. It is encouraging to see your friends doing awesome activities, getting accepted into awesome internships, and just all around being awesome. We are each carving our own unique pathway towards being who we want to become. I have two thoughts on this.

One. Remember that it is indeed your own pathway. Just because the person next to you is the President of twelve different clubs while running a nonprofit organization on the side doesn’t mean that you have to be that same person. The world works in harmony when there are many different types of people living their lives in uniquely different ways. While many of those I spend time around everyday have similar goals, I try to remember that we are all unique people and that individuality shouldn’t be compromised for the sake of achieving your dreams. If you have to forsake who you really are just to “make it”, I would reconsider what you are chasing after all. I find truth in cliches, and certainly “comparison is the thief of joy” is true to the end. Comparison is inevitable, but I have found that my happiness abounds whenever I remember that I don’t have to be like anyone else but who I am; I only have to be true to myself and my God. I admit that the courage to follow this is sometimes little, but I find it and hold onto it and hope that my life is incredibly robust because I am living out my dream not the dream of those around me. In short, don’t be afraid to take chances and be yourself when it seems the world (and our country) are increasingly trying to normalize the loss of individuality.

Two. Don’t let your to-do list run the roost! I am pointing this message directly at myself now because this is probably my biggest struggle. I make to-do lists every. single. day. Usually, I complete them and feel a grand sense of personal satisfaction. My lists keep me on track, organized, motivated, and determined. But when I step back and look at how completely structured my life is I remember that it’s really not supposed to be that way. Structure and routine are the fundamentals of my existence (or at least my mental health) but they evade the time for writing and reading and going out with friends and watching an episode of Netflix or going for a walk or visiting a new store or etc. etc. etc. So I am going to challenge myself to be more conscious of my to-do list and what it is potentially preventing me from experiencing that I need to experience (sometimes Netflix is simply not justifiable, but other things are). It is going to be beautiful this weekend and I have a laundry list of things on schedule. I am going to try to find the time to take it slow, to think, breathe, and meditate on the good things in my life that I am blessed to have and be able to do.

So I wish a very blessed Saturday for you all. Spend it doing what you love and don’t be ashamed of what that may be (full disclosure: I’ll be doing organic chemistry, possibly visiting TJ Maxx HomeGoods, and grabbing dinner with my friends or family). Enjoy it!

 

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