all my writings

that little space

That little space  Between my eyes Is the place That grows the most tired At the end Of a 12 hour shift. Lovingly, I press  That little space. That little space Between us Is the space  That I always…

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deadlines

Do you ever feel like Your brain  has a million Tabs open at once? Or you are swimming upstream And the flow of the river Grows even more Turbulent? Do you ever feel like The small pit of anxiety…

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focus

I promise that I get inspired to write by more than what comes to me during yoga. But lately, the messages I need have come to me during this time, and I can’t help but share in case they…

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rituals and root-cause analysis

“I don’t feel like myself today.” Do you ever say this to yourself? That has been my feeling for the past few days. I can’t pinpoint exactly what it is that feels off, but I just have this feeling…

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Un-feel

Their faces fell with the setting sun falling over the Charles,  tumbling, plunging, sinking, I saw their hearts fall, as I stood there. That big bold sun, shining brightly, unashamedly, as if no cares in the world,  right outside…

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silence

As I sit in the silence of the morning–flooded by light–I think about the silence filling the world. Silence that sifts through hospital rooms, behind masks and shields, greeting those are ill. The silence that fills the space where…

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the hope of healing

As I reflect over the past six months on learning to become a doctor, I think of how my perspective of illness has shifted. As a healthcare worker, you see people at their most vulnerable, when they are in…

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thankful

Every year on Thanksgiving I try to write. This morning, I sit in the quiet of my mom’s house and bask in the beauty of silence (no honking cars or beeping in reverse trucks outside window!). I listen for…

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the sun

It’s an early Saturday morning and the sun tries to pour in through the cracks in my window curtains. My heart leaps at the sliver of light that finds its way in, and I don’t think of the things…

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little inconveniences

Drip drop, drip drop. I’ve heard it a million times from a million people before. “Oh, there it is again, the stupid sink dripping water all night long, waking me up in the middle of the night, keeping me…

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identity

What if your identity Is not found in the big city But in a small town Where few people are brown or black But mostly different shades of white And every day the sun shines down as they Continue…

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soul-work

Two days ago, I packed by bags and moved to Boston, MA. The night before was full of tears, happy ones and sad ones, long hugs, prayers, and motivating words. Honestly, I was completely terrified. And I’m working through…

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the free

Piece by piece We build the wall That works to separate us all From those who have from those don’t From those who can to those who won’t. We throw our words around like flames That scar and burn…

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values collection

Sometimes we must make big decisions in our lives. I hate these times. I’m horrible at making big decisions, or small decisions for that matter. I’m clearly not a very decisive person. I tend to change my mind often,…

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poems from seaside

I think there are so many poems about the ocean because it is simultaneously violent and peaceful. At the same time it crashes against the coast destroys a weak vessel and carries away debris It smoothes the rocky shore…

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dream big

Reader, I did it. I got into Harvard Medical School. This isn’t a post about the hours I poured over biochemistry pathways or the different immune cells. It isn’t about my boyfriend, Avery, who made quotes for me to…

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sacred places

“There are no unsacred places; / there are only sacred places and desecrated places.” — Wendell Berry I’m starting to understand that there truly are no unsacred places — this is a bold claim. Some may perceive the site…

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images

I’m sitting 30,000 feet above the earth as I write this. I was elated when the American Airlines flight attendant poured my plastic, clear cup mostly full of ice and one quarter full of ginger ale and then, to…

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self-talk

I recently heard a story from a beautiful, African American woman who wore a stylish black cardigan and dark red lipstick. Her dark, silky hair was perfectly curled, and her smile illuminated our faces like a flashlight exposing the…

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thankful for the moment

I’m sitting in a hip, jazzy cafe in Palo Alto, California. I’m sipping on some water because I just indulged in a milk tea with boba that was absolutely delicious. I arrived in California this morning around 11:00am, after leaving…

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breaking down

As I’m enjoying my morning coffee, with sunshine flooding into my small but comfy shoe-box of a bedroom, I google “how to show Christ’s love as a doctor”. It may be obvious how doctors have a platform for showing…

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superheroes

It is no secret that I adore my nephew, Ezra, with all of my heart. He has the kindest, purest heart and possesses the unique capability to see the good in everything. He’s observant, hilarious, and open to exploration;…

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cancer

Today at work I got emotional. I work in a cardio-oncology lab, and I spend most of my days writing and reading about cancer therapies, cancers, and heart disease. Sometimes, I write and read so much that I dream…

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faith

Following Jesus can be hard. Temptations abound in a world that glorifies temporary pleasure over long-term happiness and quick intimacy over intentional relationships. It’s easy to fall prey to superficial, surface-level friendship on social media and to the black…

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out of the forest

People talk about meditation as a new healing remedy, equivalent to the stardom of aspirin for heart attacks. Apps like “Headspace” and “Calm” lead users through a meditative practice, using words like “clear your mind, engage your senses, breatheeeee.”…

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do not fear

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” — Isaiah 41:10 “Come to me, all…

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rebirth

 “Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, ‘Sit here while I go over there and pray.’ He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he…

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the tiny little birds

Saturday, March 10th, 2018. 6:55am – Watching the waves come in and the sun rise into the sky. Perfectly content. It’s always at the beach where I remember it’s okay to write happy poems. Writers cling to the melancholy,…

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sunny rays

“Let the illuminating rays of the morning sun revive my spirit, renew my soul, and fill my heart with the hope of the descending dawn.” – mb This morning I rolled over in my two-foot-wide bed and was greeted…

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unconditional love

A lot of things change in life. In the past year, a lot of things have changed in mine. The natural rhythm of life carries us through tides of highs and tides of lows, but through it all one…

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welcoming 2018

“For what it’s worth… it’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit. Start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same. There are no…

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fresh breath

God always knows what you need. This semester was expected to be the worst, the hardest, the most demanding and grueling semester I would have in college – I was so nervous. Since my freshman year I have been…

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resilience

Humans are incredibly resilient. Probably more so than we recognize and acknowledge. We are resilient on both a personal and macroscopic level. We fight back, bounce back, and spring forward into life with a renewed strength. After everything has…

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power of words

The power of words. We often say that words are powerful, that they are able to transform the world, and I think we want to sincerely believe this. I also think we say a lot of things that we…

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experiments

There’s this fleeting moment during an experiment, almost every time, where I stop and think I have completely messed up. I spent the past three days preparing to run an RT-qPCR (real time quantitative polymerase chain reaction if you’re…

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Google searches

I just Googled “How to know to pursue an MD-PhD.” Then I stopped, stepped back, and laughed at myself. How in the world would a quick Google search give me any kind of reliable, meaningful, and honest information about…

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imperfect

Social media paints layers onto our lives that are flawless, perfect, and fantastical. Many talk about how our Instagram feeds are “highlight reels” of everyone we follow, and this is so true – why would anyone want to flaunt…

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remembering names

I write this (admittedly random) post as somewhat of a disclaimer, an apology, and a public service announcement. Everyone has those qualities about themselves that are of utmost annoyance. (Admit that you do.) For me, my inability to remember…

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who you are

Your life experiences unquestionably define who you are and guide where you belong in the world. We are each given unique stories – challenges, triumphs, memories, passions – that aid us in figuring out what type of life we…

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aha! moments in cancer treatment

I think we can all appreciate those “wow, this is amazing” moments of life. They can be many and varied, but at some point everyone has those intense feelings of gratitude and satisfaction. I’ve had a few of these…

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thoughts on a beach

There are fewer things I want more than to become a physician — truly, when I survey my life for my heart’s deepest desires this worthy role sits at the fundamental core. But then I ask myself, why do…

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travels

I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to describe the experiences I had when I was away. People talk about traveling, and the impact it has on your life, and you don’t believe them until you actually have that…

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London

I’m lying in my bed, with my windows open to the fresh, energetic air of London at night. I’m on Thoresby Street, living in Thoresby House, the yellow colored building with stairs that lead to the red door and…

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finish line

You’ve got people in your corner. You may not know who they are yet, or maybe you do, but they are there. There are people out there that want to see you succeed as bad as you do. They…

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Pushing stones

Find something you think is important and spend your life supporting it. How does one find meaning in the mundane, spontaneity in the ordinary, and purpose in the routine? These are questions I think about often, and I don’t…

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Structured chaos

Life is busy. We are running around, chasing dreams that have us hooked like the bait on a hook, and life unravels its tightly woven, clean lines. I have found that peace and stillness lies within delighting each moment…

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Doing hard things

Here’s the truth: College is really hard. It is hard because you are doing so much, always with the question lingering in the back of your mind: Am I doing the right things? I don’t mean the right things…

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2016 reflection

“Showing gratitude is one of the simplest yet most powerful things humans can do for each other.” –Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture Without unnecessary glamorization, I can admit that 2016 was a challenging year. It was tough sometimes. Life…

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Man’s Search for Meaning

Sometimes you read books that flood you with emotion and leave you with wonder (and admittedly, a few tears). Honestly, I have not written a lot lately – at least in an expressive and creative way. I have, however,…

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5 books you need to read and think about

“Literature adds to reality, it does not simply describe it. It irrigates the deserts that our lives have already become.” – C.S. Lewis My life feels particularly desert-like in this respect right now. While I love my science courses…

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valuable

It’s a Sunday, and I am currently making French press coffee. I have at least 20 things I need to be doing (many of them including coursework and cleaning), but I ardently miss writing so I decided to stop…

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new beginnings

The textbooks are purchased, the desk is decorated, and the coffee has already been brewed (multiple times). I can smell the start of a new year, and I can certainly feel it. Sophomore year as a pre-medical student is…

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mentality

There’s an epidemic coursing through America, silently capturing the lives of many people. It leaves them internally harmed and demoralized. It is stigmatized, looked down upon, and often viewed as unacceptable. I am personally responsible for contributing to the…

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strength in uncertainty

Two summers ago I was probably in a steadfast sleep with ambitious plans to lay by the pool all day. I would likely wake up and plan for the day’s activities, carry them out in an effortless manner, and…

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cogito ergo sum

When I sit down to read René Descartes, it is more like sitting down and getting lost in conversation with an old friend than sitting alone while reading philosophy. I love Descartes. I am utterly captivated by his approach,…

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research

Yesterday initiated my third week of research. When we got here on May 30th, they warned us that we would learn a lot about ourselves during this ten week experience. I wholeheartedly believed that I would learning something during these…

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adaptability

It’s time to talk about change. I’m not talking about national campaign agendas or world peace or equality or restoration of the constitution or any of the pressing issues that are featured in the tabloids and news websites. I’m…

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childlike awe

As I sit and look at the great beauty and enormity that is the ocean, I can only be reminded of the great and beautiful God that is at play. A God that loves the birds of the sky…

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accepted

Today is my two year anniversary with WordPress. Two years of writing. Two years of dramatic personal change. Two years of being proud of what I’ve written most days, and two years of half-finished writings stored on my phone…

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college

“Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.” I don’t remember exactly where I saw this – maybe in the book The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch? – but I do remember having scribbled it on a post-it note…

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on happiness

For the past 6 hours I have been trying to maneuver through two semesters of chemistry information and two chapters of calculus problems. I stopped midway through for a run and shower and then retreated back to my homestead…

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will

When I was a little girl, it is clear in my memory a time that I mentioned to my mom that I wanted to pray for something very specific. I don’t exactly remember what I was going to ask…

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reasons

After reading When Breath Becomes Air, it caused many moments of self-reflection, recognition, and realization. The most profound of these moments was certainly the correlation that Dr. Kalanithi feels between the morality of humans and the principality of science…

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reduction

I am a human, and I define myself. I define myself sometimes based on the things that make me uniquely human. These qualities are so peculiar to my Homo sapiens species but they are so often ordinarily overlooked. We forget…

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divinity

Romans 1:20: “For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities – his eternal power and divine nature – have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.” Sometimes, as…

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a reflection

Written below is an essay I was required to read for one of my classes. I always enjoy reading these essays, because even if they are not very enlightening, or liberating, or moderately interesting, they always provide me with…

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skin

Y’all college already has me feeling like I’m swimming in a large pool with the drain turned on. BUT with the good Lord by my side, some time management skills, and control over my attitude towards it, everything is…

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pieces

Two nights ago I went restorative Yin Yoga at Shakti before my first day of classes yesterday. During one of the periods of long, extensive stretching I let my mind navigate to the place it wanted to go without…

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open #oneword2016

Open. A trend I stumbled upon on wordpress was this #oneword2016. After reading through a few articles I got the impression that this is a one word “mantra” dedicated to 2016. I started contemplating some of the words that…

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namaste

My own health and fitness journey has been somewhat of a hilly ride. Ups and downs of oscillating between being feeling good and feeling like I’m not good enough. I can definitely say that I have learned a lot…

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new year

Happy New Year’s Eve! 2015 was one of my greatest years so far. I have seen myself grow so much just in the past few months and look forward to how much I will learn about myself and my…

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a tree falls in the woods

A tree falls in the woods, and nobody hears it. Did it really fall and make a sound? The action may have occurred. In fact, the tree most likely fell. But can we prove that it did? No. Someone…

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a good man?

I have most recently been delighted to having found the plethora of truly amazing work of 20th century intellectual, C. S. Lewis. His writings have probed me to question my relationship and perspective on Christianity as a whole and…

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thanksgiving thoughts

Thanksgiving is an awesome day. In addition to the wonderful delicacies I am preparing myself for, it is a day of reflection and intention. Yes, we should be thankful every single day of the year. But instead of being…

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theories

I want to talk about the theory of relativity. and compassion. I want to talk about compassion. The theory of general relativity is honestly one of the most fascinating concepts to me. Over the summer, I read Einstein’s Cosmos…

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a word to my ladies out there.

A word to my ladies out there. You are worth it. You are worth discovering. You are worth an education. You are worth diligently and passionately chasing your dreams. You are worth the time, the effort, and the reward.…

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soaked shoes and cancelled plans

Some see rain and they think about how the rain will soak their shoes and hair and clothes and books Some see rain and they think about how they wish they were still in bed with a good book…

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illusions

I am thankful that God gave me the ability to experience beauty. What is beauty? Where is the idea of beauty derived from? What molds our minds to think something is classified as beautiful? I am not talking about…

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inquisition

We have got to stop possessing fear of being different. We have got to embrace our idiosyncrasies and implore our diversity. We have to diligently chase what we love, and we HAVE to plug our ears to those who…

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curveballs

Something that I find very important and very critical in my life is time management. Both internally and externally (where I’m spending my thoughts and what I am spending my physical actions doing), time proves to be such a valuable…

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handcrafted.

This weekend is recruitment weekend at Belmont University. This has been a decision I have been poring over for a while now. Contrary to state schools or larger schools, Belmont’s Greek Life is very different. It is my personal…

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plastic hands

I started college this past week, and I already have the addition of so many unique experiences. I have been to an outdoor free concert in downtown Nashville, I have exchanged “hellos” with more people than I thought imaginable, I…

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ivory sheets and contentedness.

One day, I want to leave my phone, laptop, makeup, curling iron, straightener, television, social media apps, fancy clothes, and worries behind. And just leave. Not permanently, of course. Just for a week. Or a weekend. I want to…

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hello again!

I would like to start off by saying that I apologize for my prolonged absence from my blog. With graduation coming up in less than a month (YAY), college coming up within the next few months, and everything that…

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a post about ANXIETY

I am not afraid of spiders, snakes, or heights. I am not afraid of masks, or strangers, or wasps. You can throw any arachnid or insect at me and I might jump, but I will not experience fear. My…

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find your happy place!

I frequently write about love. But that’s because love is so, SO important to me. Realizing this has dramatically changed my perspective on various things and people in my life. Loving others only creates a more peaceful inner self…

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muddy water

One of my greatest dislikes in someone’s character is simply mediocrity. I don’t care who you are or what circumstances you are under, you are worth more than being mediocre. Falling short to the undeniably gifted talents God has…

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endless, relentless love.

i love you you mean everything to me i would do anything for you you are my world you are so valuable to me i adore you i will do anything to make you happy i can’t stop thinking…

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words.

Words are both a cut and a bandaid They are both the flowers and the cost of flowers Words can be as empty as a church on a Saturday night Or as full as a bar the night before…

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redacted poetry fun!

Redacted poetry is beautiful and is currently my favorite form of art. ” Hair with disorder Her appearance lay abandoned And dark eyes attempted to claim her His habit had his eyes streaked with old tears She gripped tears…

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i am;

I am a morning full of thoughts and slow, perfect sips of coffee I am the protagonist of a torn, soft cover novel I am the curve that makes a graph infinite I am red lipstick carefully, meticulously applied…

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gloriously happy and alone

I am a Friday night watching Netflix. I am a table for one. I am midnight reading sessions. I am early morning writing therapy. I am a thought. I am a moment. I am reflection. I am alone. I…

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watercolor number one: an ornament of grace

I have begun a series of watercolor paintings that I am going to display on my Instagram (@lovemarycatherine) and my blog. I have always enjoyed painting, yet I haven’t really fully immersed myself into watercolor painting. SO, don’t be…

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if i could write a letter to me

Disclaimer: this is not a disclaimer. Just a word of encouragement that I disguised as a disclaimer to tell you to dedicate the time to read this whole post. Thank you. There are matters in my life and your…

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a clean canvas

When referring to life in metaphorical terms, most use books as a reference or a way of measurement. The “book of life” contains many chapters (or years) and in each chapter there are pages (or days). Sometimes, life events…

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just be

be unbelievable. be courageous. be unstoppable, unbeatable, and invincible. be different. be unique, be rare, be original. be successful. be driven. be determined. be kind. be sympathetic, empathetic, and understanding. be amiable and personable. be diverse and always changing.…

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things we don’t pay enough attention to

This is the second time I am composing this blog post. The irony of this situation truly intensifies what I had intentions of writing about (though I had no intentions of writing it twice). Yesterday was not a very…

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