Tag: joy

the sun

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It’s an early Saturday morning and the sun tries to pour in through the cracks in my window curtains. My heart leaps at the sliver of light that finds its way in, and I don’t think of the things I have to do, the upcoming exam, the assignments due, the distance from my family, the laundry I need to clean, the run I need to go on, the emails I need to send, or the million actions I need to do. My heart rolls over with my body as I anticipate the bright, vibrant sun that bathes the earth in wonder, and the small part of that beautiful wonder I get to enjoy today. It is a small, simple, remarkable feeling of joy that the little sliver of light gives me. Daily I encounter–in myself or others–suffering, pain, illness, hopelessness, hurt, injustice, separation, and fear. It is easy to be bathed in the hurt of this life. In this moment, though, early on Saturday morning, in a corner of Boston, on a small bed in a small dorm, I feel hope and joy for all things ahead.

Thank you God for this beautiful day.

It is yours.

thankful for the moment

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I’m sitting in a hip, jazzy cafe in Palo Alto, California. I’m sipping on some water because I just indulged in a milk tea with boba that was absolutely delicious. I arrived in California this morning around 11:00am, after leaving my apartment at a shockingly early time of 3:30am (shout out of appreciation to my boyfriend, Avery, for waking up and driving me to the airport). All day, I’ve jumped from plane to plane, city to city, to finally land in this spot. This comfortable spot of sitting in a worn-out leather chair in a young and busy coffee shop in a beautiful city.

It is no accident that I’m here; it took years of hard work, focus, dedication, sacrifice, and perseverance to get to this place. It took planning, purchasing a plane ticket, organizing accommodation, and a lot of thought to get here. Yet, I keep thinking to myself, This must be a mistake. What if I show up to the interview and they say, “Sorry, we have no records of you. It must have been a miscommunication.” At least then it would all make sense. I don’t say these things to self-flatter or to self-deprecate, only to give a voice to my darkest fears in this moment. Tomorrow, though, I’m interviewing at Stanford Medical School and that is a reality I never dreamed of coming true. Flying in, over the beautiful city of San Francisco and after coming in from Los Angeles, I thought about my hometown and how drastically different this is from that. I feel like I don’t belong here, like it is all a big mistake and I’m the butt of the joke, but somehow I know this is where I’m supposed to be.

I’m overwhelmed with appreciation at how far I have come and how beautiful this moment is, like finally letting air out of a balloon that has been way too full for way too long. I never expected this moment, but I know I worked hard for it. I never felt entitled to anything but felt indebted to giving this dream everything I’ve got; I reflect on everything I’ve worked diligently for and how I have sacrificed some of the ordinary joys of a 20-something to make it this far. Those moments lost are worth it, because the feeling of accomplishment in this one is so, so sweet. I reflect back, and I feel grateful.

Grateful for the people who helped me get here, financially, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Thankful for the people who have continuously believed in me, even when I was down on myself. I’m thankful for the people who pushed me to keep going when I wanted to give up. I’m thankful for the people who let me cry on their shoulder when I needed to. I’m not in medical school yet, and I’m certainly not a doctor, but I think it is worth celebrating this moment, no matter what happens in the future.

I have no idea what will occur in the next few weeks, but right now, in a warm and inviting cafe in Northern California, I am so happy. Happy for opportunities, for growth, and for truly having the chance to chase my biggest dreams.

new beginnings

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The textbooks are purchased, the desk is decorated, and the coffee has already been brewed (multiple times). I can smell the start of a new year, and I can certainly feel it. Sophomore year as a pre-medical student is full of the “hard” classes and a lovely phenomenon called the “sophomore slump”. My year as a sophomore will be filled with organic chemistry I and II, genetics, microbiology, molecular biology, statistics, and some humanities classes. As I sit and prepare for the upcoming year, I naturally feel very overwhelmed (taking a look at the syllabi didn’t help either). But the truth is, I don’t want to fear what God has given me. My education, my freedom to pursue a career that I picked and no one picked for me, is a blessing. Sometimes I get so attached to the things of this life (GPA, honors, awards, leadership positions, and ultimately two letters after my name), that I get consumed with the accompanying anxiety of it all. The only way I can escape this anxiety is by remembering the true honor of this life. The reward that satisfies only the deepest desire of my soul. The heavenly eternal promise following this temporary life. And while this seems extreme, it is the only thing that keeps me at ease in the midst of chaos. This world and the society that I am a part of is increasingly negative, judgmental, and uncertain. Belmont, although one of my favorite places to be, is a place that is an extension of this world and cannot fulfill the greater call I have been given. My place in this world, molded by my decisions and mediated by the purpose God has placed on my life, is to seek and glorify the Lord’s name in all that I do.

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” -1 Corinthians 10:31

So “whatever you do” for me right now is a whole lot of studying, reading, writing, calculating, speaking, meeting, and trying for success in the career I aspire to pursue. Likewise, I will seek to glorify God in those things and by doing so that requires that the anxiety accompanying it all to cease. A difficult challenge (not just for those in college, but in any profession or situation) but I believe by chasing the things of above, God will grant strength to all those who trust in Him. I can only hope that the things I am pursuing in this temporary life satisfy and please the Creator of it all. My prayer is that this semester I see my studies as an opportunity to learn new knowledge to impact the world in the way God calls me to, whatever that may be. I pray to see challenges as a test of character and faith to encourage me to grow stronger. I pray for comprehension, retention, and recall in understanding the complex content that I will be required to learn. I pray mostly for optimism, hope, and joy in this semester. I pray that love permeates the air that I walk and that the people I encounter know that they are loved, cherished, and important to me. My prayer is that God blesses everyone’s pathway this semester and that we all possess thankfulness for the blessing of new beginnings. This is my prayer.