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who you are

Your life experiences unquestionably define who you are and guide where you belong in the world. We are each given unique stories – challenges, triumphs, memories, passions – that aid us in figuring out what type of life we are to live. Since I’ve been in college, I have met people from SO many different walks of life, and it has been one of my favorite aspects of moving out of a small town and into a more culturally and ethnically diverse city. The people I’ve become very close friends with come from all over the world and from every background – Russian, African, Indian, Egyptian, Irish, Ukrainian, American, Muslim, Christian, Hindu, atheist, agnostic, poor, rich, sick, and every quality or descriptor in between. The love I have for each of these people is specific and unique to the friendship that we share, and I’m so glad that I’ve come to know them and their story. Along this journey though, I often found myself asking “Who am I? Where do I come from? What characteristics define me?” and yesterday I again happened upon this internal self-discussion after a conversation I had with a friend in my lab. He very casually told me, “Mary, I can finally hear your Southern accent!” which lead down a rabbit hole of conversation on the lifetime struggle of talking with a “twang” and how “cute” it is (Ha). I told him that sometimes people assume others with a Southern accent are less intelligent, less capable, or have certain ideologies. For this reason, I had become accustomed to avoiding phrases that make me sound more Southern. What I have learned though, through encountering others that embrace and welcome their cultural identity, is that I am Southern and I do have a Southern accent. I was raised in a small town and my identity is comprised of those memories that I created as a child. I had this unnerving feeling when I entered college of not having an identity at all, not belonging to a defined “group” with certain values. I often felt like others were very different from me (because, well, they were and still are in many ways) and didn’t share a lot of the experiences I had while growing up. Instead of shaming away from this I began to cherish my own culture. I shared with people what it was like growing up in a small town in Tennessee (as compared to Chicago or Memphis or New York City). I delighted in the fact that I had (and have) certain challenges different from others and that those things make me, me. This acceptance and confidence has permeated into other aspects of my life. Previously at work, I sought to make myself very . . . uniform. I dressed simply and didn’t feel comfortable sharing the intricacies and details of my personality. This was largely in part because I worked with male supervisors and male colleagues and didn’t want to be perceived as less intelligent or less focused on my career. I’ve learned though, by being surrounded by team members that fully accept and cherish who they are, that who I am doesn’t negate my abilities but encourages them. Speaking of my passions and my childhood memories, wearing the clothes that make me feel confident and feminine, and accepting that I am an empowered, capable female, has strengthened my work ethic and confidence, not taken away from it. Yes, I wear eyeliner and like to do yoga. I didn’t take ten AP classes or go to a private, preparatory high school, but I do have the capability to learn and to succeed just as my peers do and have demonstrated that learning is more important than formal education. This is so important, because I really feel like people who may not fit into certain groups need to be encouraged to come from a position of strength instead of weakness. Don’t let the influence of those around you – their maleness (or femaleness), intelligence, appearance, or success – alter the way that you view yourself. What I have learned since accepting that I have a past that makes me better, not worse, and a future that is as bright as the person next to me, is that people love me and appreciate my work for exactly who I am. They like that I can have a conversation about growing up in a small town and how I like to enjoy myself in Nashville. Just because I wear makeup and have my hair fixed doesn’t mean I don’t get called on during meetings to answer hard questions or given hard tasks to complete. I no longer feel like I have no identity because instead of trying to create one that didn’t exist, I accepted the one I already have. There is great power in knowing who you are, growing in who you are, and loving who you are. Not only is there power, but there is indefinite peace.

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Structured chaos

Life is busy. We are running around, chasing dreams that have us hooked like the bait on a hook, and life unravels its tightly woven, clean lines. I have found that peace and stillness lies within delighting each moment that leaves you feeling frazzled AND those that leave you feeling gratified. This is the busiest semester I have had at Belmont: everyday, I am waking early to study, running to class, popping into meetings, driving to the lab, spending hours doing research, then driving back late at night and finding I haven’t eaten in a while or gone to the gym for the day. So I take the time to eat, work out if I can, and talk with my roommates. Then I finish up studying/homework and find myself in bed usually past midnight and honestly wanting to watch some Netflix. There are some days that literally every half hour of my day is planned and inscribed in my planner. There are days were I have to be six different places within a few hours. This is not unique to me. My friends and classmates are equally as busy, running around doing their amazing things and chasing their dreams. We are all working so hard, always keeping in mind that elusive goal that we are chasing so fervently. It is one of the beautiful things about college, being surrounded by like-minded and motivated individuals. It is encouraging to see your friends doing awesome activities, getting accepted into awesome internships, and just all around being awesome. We are each carving our own unique pathway towards being who we want to become. I have two thoughts on this.

One. Remember that it is indeed your own pathway. Just because the person next to you is the President of twelve different clubs while running a nonprofit organization on the side doesn’t mean that you have to be that same person. The world works in harmony when there are many different types of people living their lives in uniquely different ways. While many of those I spend time around everyday have similar goals, I try to remember that we are all unique people and that individuality shouldn’t be compromised for the sake of achieving your dreams. If you have to forsake who you really are just to “make it”, I would reconsider what you are chasing after all. I find truth in cliches, and certainly “comparison is the thief of joy” is true to the end. Comparison is inevitable, but I have found that my happiness abounds whenever I remember that I don’t have to be like anyone else but who I am; I only have to be true to myself and my God. I admit that the courage to follow this is sometimes little, but I find it and hold onto it and hope that my life is incredibly robust because I am living out my dream not the dream of those around me. In short, don’t be afraid to take chances and be yourself when it seems the world (and our country) are increasingly trying to normalize the loss of individuality.

Two. Don’t let your to-do list run the roost! I am pointing this message directly at myself now because this is probably my biggest struggle. I make to-do lists every. single. day. Usually, I complete them and feel a grand sense of personal satisfaction. My lists keep me on track, organized, motivated, and determined. But when I step back and look at how completely structured my life is I remember that it’s really not supposed to be that way. Structure and routine are the fundamentals of my existence (or at least my mental health) but they evade the time for writing and reading and going out with friends and watching an episode of Netflix or going for a walk or visiting a new store or etc. etc. etc. So I am going to challenge myself to be more conscious of my to-do list and what it is potentially preventing me from experiencing that I need to experience (sometimes Netflix is simply not justifiable, but other things are). It is going to be beautiful this weekend and I have a laundry list of things on schedule. I am going to try to find the time to take it slow, to think, breathe, and meditate on the good things in my life that I am blessed to have and be able to do.

So I wish a very blessed Saturday for you all. Spend it doing what you love and don’t be ashamed of what that may be (full disclosure: I’ll be doing organic chemistry, possibly visiting TJ Maxx HomeGoods, and grabbing dinner with my friends or family). Enjoy it!

 

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5 books you need to read and think about

“Literature adds to reality, it does not simply describe it. It irrigates the deserts that our lives have already become.” – C.S. Lewis

My life feels particularly desert-like in this respect right now. While I love my science courses and really find them fascinating, I deeply miss writing and reading literature and philosophy. When thinking about how I feel a little unbalanced because I am so focused my other passions, I decided I would share some books that are my favorites and encouraged me to have deep reflection. Some of them are autobiographical nonfiction, some are simply fiction, but they are all incredible and close to my heart. Here are 5 books you need to read and think about! I offer some of the thoughts that followed my reading of the books that maybe you would find helpful if you read decide to read them. Try to reflect on the passages and glean some of the important messages that ruminate throughout them. And just like I have to remind myself, remember that in life, balance is everything. Never let the other things you love fall to the wayside in pursuit of your dreams.

When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi

This is undoubtedly one of the most moving books I have ever read. I even wrote an entire post about my thoughts from this book, and I suggest reading that post after you have treated yourself to this book! Dr. Paul Kalanithi was a Stanford neurosurgeon who was unfortunately diagnosed with late stage IV lung cancer. This book is more than a memoir by a doctor; it makes you experience and feel what it is like to face death. This is a man’s honest and eye-opening journey to the end of his life. It is poetic. It is reflective and deeply emotional. I admire Dr. Kalanithi’s diverse passions and the ways he catered to both his reflective, literary side (by pursuing study in literature and philosophy) and the inquisitive, mechanistic side of life (through scientific study of medicine). He writes beautifully. This is a must read. I couldn’t put it down!

Thoughts for reflection: If I was looking back on my life, what have I made important? Have I been happy with my life or have I lived in chase of something else? What would I begin pursuing if I knew the moments I had were limited?

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain

Quiet is a book for introverts and extroverts alike. This book transformed the way I view my idiosyncratic behaviors. It made me realize it is okay to want to stay home. It is okay to want to work alone and prefer small friend groups. It is equally okay to be gregarious and love social environments. It made me realize that the qualities exhibited by introverted and extroverted people are all valuable. This is a nonfiction book full of thoroughly researched information about human behavior. It is amazing! It has some interesting pieces of psychology and sociology throughout. It shows the functional and dynamic world that we live in and the ways that all the different moving pieces work together perfectly. Highly recommend. (Watch Susan Cain’s amazing TED talk here: Susan Cain’s The Power of Introverts)

Thoughts for reflection: How can I embrace who I am without feeling guilty or bad? What type of environment makes me feel most comfortable and loved? What parts of me are introverted and what parts are extroverted? How can I encourage others to be true to themselves in a conformist society?

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

Okay, I had to include this book because it is a classic read. Most people have read To Kill a Mockingbird, maybe in school for a class. For those that haven’t read, Harper Lee writes a book written from the perspective of a child named Scout about the struggles and perceptions of an unjust world. This book makes me feel childlike and more aware of the struggles within this world. For a child, Scout gives wisdom that we can all learn from. I think this book, published in 1960, can still give a powerful message to the society we live in today. Also, I have always had the biggest fictional crush on Atticus Finch, Scout’s father and the lawyer who fights for justice. Ahh. 

Thoughts for reflection: What have I become okay with that Scout, a child, would even know is wrong? Is the world we are living in today actually any different than the corrupt world that Scout was in? How can we fight for and seek the Truth in this life?

The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch

Nerdy confession: I had to read a few chapters of this for a First Year Seminar class and I actually fell in love with it and had to read the whole thing (which took me a day). Randy Pausch writes an autobiographical book of important advice for living. Dr. Pausch was a professor of computer science at Carnegie Mellon University and had recently been diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer. A young professor with small children and a wife, Dr. Pausch pours wisdom into this book that I use and remember every day. And yes, it made me weep like a baby (and books don’t make me cry). Just read it. Circle, underline, highlight his advice, even rip pages out and hang them up on your mirror.

Thoughts for reflection: How can I start using the advice that Dr. Pausch shares? Am I being sincere to myself and to those around me? How can I love more deeply with the days I am given?

Suzanne’s Diary for Nicholas by James Patterson

This book is one of my favorite of all time. I generally do not prefer fictional books, especially romantic fiction books, but this is different. This book makes me feel safe, loved, and hopeful. This is one of the first books I remember reading as a young girl (which is funny because it’s a James Patterson book… I have always been older than my age), and I think it holds some sentimental value because of this reason. I grab for this book when I need to escape this frightening, stressful world. It is so comforting. Suzanne’s Diary for Nicholas is about the interwoven relationships of love, despair, happiness, hurt, and life. It moves to you Martha’s Vinyard to watch the lives of two playful personalities fall in harmonious synchrony. This book is a gentle reminder that the most beautiful things in life are sometimes greeted with pain and suffering.

Thoughts for reflection: If I was writing for someone, who would it be and what would I want to say? How can I invite the playfulness and simplicity into my life that Suzanne and Matt have in their own lives?

Well, there you have it! Five of my favorite books that I think everyone should read. Don’t just read them though, feel them, embrace them. Write about what you feel and think deeply about what the author is trying to give you. I am always welcoming book suggestions that I can curl up with and get lost in. What are some of your favorite books?

 

 

 

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college

“Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.”

I don’t remember exactly where I saw this – maybe in the book The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch? – but I do remember having scribbled it on a post-it note and sticking it on my bookholder that sat in front of me as I sat at my desk for long, monotonous hours last semester. I really love this quote because I feel like it resonates with me on a fundamental level. College has been so incredible in many, many ways. Two of those ways are my academic opportunities and the friendships I have made. These two facets of my life have transformed me just within the past 10 months. I truly think both are related to the quote mentioned above.

Coming from a small, rural high school, I was indeed terrified of the academic monster that was college. I am actually somewhat resentful now for the previous students I had heard describe college as basically an obstacle that cannot be tackled, despite the effort. Many students from my high school spoke of how college was exponentially harder than high school, and they certainly emphasized the lack of preparation that Lewis County offered for someone pursuing a college degree. The truth is that they were just passing off their own disappointments on the very teachers that spent many years believing in them. In my year of college, I have learned that yes, college is definitely way more difficult than high school. But it is designed that way. It is supposed to be. College is a place that trains intellectuals to enter the world and apply what they have learned – it is not created for the same purpose that high school is. So yes, you do have to work harder. A lot harder, but to me (and I could quite possibly be the only one in this boat), the work is worth it. The work you do in college has a purpose and will transform the way you think and view the world. As far as college being a monster than cannot be tamed, this is untrue and I really wish students would stop scaring high school students by continuously saying this. I was definitely one of those scared students, afraid I would fail every test and finally succumb to the attitude that I would never succeed. College is tough, but hard work will find you success. There is a linear relationship between hard work and attained success (at least I have found). The most important, and understated, quality for success in college is passion. Passion for what you are studying. Passion for changing the world in a small, but profound, way. Passion for testing yourself, challenging yourself, and finding out what you are really capable of. This is what we should be telling high school students. That college is so incredible. You will be challenged in new ways, and sometimes your views will be bent and your perspective will be shifted. But along the journey, you learn that you are capable of so much more than you had thought. I thought (and honestly still do) that some people are just extraordinarily lucky. They do nothing and have the best opportunities thrown their way. They score internships, find their names on publications, and seemingly have everything they want so easily. I have learned that behind the success you see are hours of hard work and reaching out. There are denied internships and failed requests. Trust me when I say that “luck” is simply a product of passion, determination, perseverance, and hard work. Anyone who tells you otherwise wants you to think they didn’t have to work hard for what they have. If I could go back to high school, I would tell myself that I am capable despite not attending a private academic high school. I would tell myself to hold onto the passion that drives determination, because in the end that passion will cause fruition of many beautiful things.

We undoubtedly prepare ourselves for our future relationships every day. The way we hold ourselves towards issues, how we treat people, and the way in which we make other people feel accumulate everyday and mold who we are. For many years, I experienced difficulty with developing strong relationships with many people. I felt flawed for my preference for a small number of genuine friends. I have learned that the number of friends we have does not indicate our worth or the value of those friendships. It is the friend that we are and the friends that we surround ourselves with that truly indicate whether or not we have made wise choices in whom we share our lives with. The quote above reflects how preparing yourself to be a good friend will enable you to create long-lasting, important friendships. Preparation (although not the prettiest word to describe what we are doing) allows us to become the people that we need to be before we can have friends that are what we need them to be. This past year, I have met and made some very important and sincere friendships. I have learned the value of sharing my life with others, encouraging their dreams, and appreciating the reciprocation of love they give me. There were many years of uncertainty that led to having confidence in the friend that God designed me to be. If I could go back to my high school self, I would indeed tell her to continue preparing to be a genuine, encouraging friend. Only a year later she would find she is surrounded by some of the best people she has ever met.

It is obvious that this year has been life-changing for me. I have learned more about myself than I ever imagined, I got to study the subjects I love so much (and added a new love – philosophy), I explored what it means to be a part of a community, and I grew in my own faith by forming my own beliefs and exploring what it means to be a Christian. Here’s to a wonderful first year as a college student!

 

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beauty, clothing, coffee, fashion, food, love, Uncategorized

on happiness

For the past 6 hours I have been trying to maneuver through two semesters of chemistry information and two chapters of calculus problems. I stopped midway through for a run and shower and then retreated back to my homestead of a wooden desk and piles of books. I now lie in bed unashamedly watching High School Musical, only after failed Netflix-attempts to watch The Rugrats Movie and Emperor’s New Groove. The older I get the more contrasting I find my own mind and desires – a delicate balance between MathScienceLogic and ArtFemininePlayful. A dynamic balance I personally adore so greatly. Nonetheless, between glances of dramatized acting and adolescent romance, I thought I would write. Due to the current conditions of a certain inviting twin bed, I thought I would write about happiness.

Aristotle writes in his Nicomachean Ethics about happiness, and I really find it to be quite interesting. In my philosophy class we often discuss happiness and its origins, meaning, and value. Opinions differ widely which adds complexity to the conversation, although not deterring from the importance of the talk. I have found happiness does differ from everyone, but there is something within everyone’s idea of happiness that shares a common thread. This unique quality among all the ideas of happiness is where I believe the meaning remains.

Aristotle writes about happiness as an active condition and as the ultimate end of all human action and life. In philosophical dialect the preceding sentence probably transfers understanding, but to me, and probably most, my questions were “what is an ‘active condition’?” and “what is an ‘end’ and what does it mean to be working towards one?” So these are the questions I will answer.

The first, concerning an active condition, actually makes logical sense. To Aristotle (disclaimer of high likelihood my interpretation is different from others, the beauty of philosophy), happiness is mobile and living. Happiness isn’t something that you have just because you don’t experience sadness, grief, or pain. Happiness isn’t something you have when you only have positive outcomes in life. Happiness resides within all of us. As we are active humans, happiness is active alongside us. To be an ‘active condition’ to me, means that it must satisfy some requirements. Initially, the word active can equate to alive, mobile, thriving, and functional. Next, ‘condition’ can mean a state, a regulation, or something that accompanies other things or has other things accompany it. So for happiness to be an ‘active condition’ means that it legislates the necessity for both of these requisites to be satisfied. Happiness must be living and it must be with us in some way. Happiness is the way in which we shape and mold our views of the world. Before I expand on this, I will answer the second question concerning an end.

Happiness, to Aristotle, is presumably the ultimate end of all human action. For all things in life we are working towards achieving happiness. Whether it be in moments or in years, happiness is undeniably a desirable product of our behaviors. Is everything we do because of a deeper desire to revive our happiness? When you think about the underlying reasons for why we do a lot of our actions (i.e. study 6 hours for exams and gain neck cramps) then it is hard not to realize how motivated our actions are by happiness. I am not fully convinced that happiness is the end, but I think it may be an end. (For clarity, by the term ‘end’ I mean something that people work towards through action and habituation).

There are many things that shape and create our perspectives of the world. I think largely our spirituality and meaning of life is derived from a higher being. I know my personal world and purpose is orchestrated by my Lord Jesus Christ. My inner being, my deepest purpose, my most robust feelings, all of these things are at the core of my belief and faith in Christ the Lord. Evolving from my faith my view of the world been created. Beauty in the ordinary, Truth in the undiscovered, an infatuation with written word, a desire to understand more of the natural world, a sensitivity for other people and their souls, and a deep curiosity. Happiness is at the core of my actions and emotions. As an active condition, happiness remains with me during the worst of times and the most beautiful of times. I am not bereft of happiness when I experience periods of uncertainty or loneliness. Happiness is still with me when I am overjoyed with blessings. Happiness is there through it all.

I think in a way we must find happiness as much as it must find us. Some people neglect the active condition by inactivating it. They resume a less-than-desirable condition (misery, bitterness, envy, or negativity) instead. Happiness will find you when you find it.

Find it in the faces of the people you see everyday. Find it in the moments of burning jealousy. Find happiness in the pain and the pleasure. Find happiness in the joy and in the sadness. Find happiness every day, every moment, every second. When you decide to seek the fullest life and happiness is an integral part of that, I am certain that it will seek you in return. I hope it happens in the most fruitful and endearing of ways.

 

 

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a reflection

Written below is an essay I was required to read for one of my classes. I always enjoy reading these essays, because even if they are not very enlightening, or liberating, or moderately interesting, they always provide me with some kind of insight – either positive or negative, but always advantageous to some degree. This essay, Happy Like God, is written by Simon Critchley, professor and chair of philosophy at the New School for Social Research.

“What is happiness? How does one get a grip on this most elusive, intractable and perhaps unanswerable of questions?

I teach philosophy for a living, so let me begin with a philosophical answer. For the philosophers of Antiquity, notably Aristotle, it was assumed that the goal of the philosophical life — the good life, moreover — was happiness and that the latter could be defined as the bios theoretikos, the solitary life of contemplation. Today, few people would seem to subscribe to this view. Our lives are filled with the endless distractions of cell phones, car alarms, commuter woes and the traffic in Bangalore. The rhythm of modern life is punctuated by beeps, bleeps and a generalized attention deficit disorder.

But is the idea of happiness as an experience of contemplation really so ridiculous? Might there not be something in it? I am reminded of the following extraordinary passage from Rousseau’s final book and his third (count them — he still beats Obama 3-to-2) autobiography, “Reveries of a Solitary Walker”:

If there is a state where the soul can find a resting-place secure enough to establish itself and concentrate its entire being there, with no need to remember the past or reach into the future, where time is nothing to it, where the present runs on indefinitely but this duration goes unnoticed, with no sign of the passing of time, and no other feeling of deprivation or enjoyment, pleasure or pain, desire or fear than the simple feeling of existence, a feeling that fills our soul entirely, as long as this state lasts, we can call ourselves happy, not with a poor, incomplete and relative happiness such as we find in the pleasures of life, but with a sufficient, complete and perfect happiness which leaves no emptiness to be filled in the soul. (emphases mine)

This is as close to a description of happiness as I can imagine. Rousseau is describing the experience of floating in a little rowing boat on the Lake of Bienne close to Neuchâtel in his native Switzerland. He particularly loved visiting the Île Saint Pierre, where he used to enjoy going for exploratory walks when the weather was fine and he could indulge in the great passion of his last years: botany. He would walk with a copy of Linneaus under his arm, happily identifying plants in areas of the deserted island that he had divided for this purpose into small squares.

Our lives are filled with endless distractions, but is the idea of happiness as an experience of contemplation really so ridiculous?

On the way to the island, he would pull in the oars and just let the boat drift where it wished, for hours at a time. Rousseau would lie down in the boat and plunge into a deep reverie. How does one describe the experience of reverie: one is awake, but half asleep, thinking, but not in an instrumental, calculative or ordered way, simply letting the thoughts happen, as they will.

Happiness is not quantitative or measurable and it is not the object of any science, old or new. It cannot be gleaned from empirical surveys or programmed into individuals through a combination of behavioral therapy and anti-depressants. If it consists in anything, then I think that happiness is this feeling of existence, this sentiment of momentary self-sufficiency that is bound up with the experience of time

Look at what Rousseau writes above: floating in a boat in fine weather, lying down with one’s eyes open to the clouds and birds or closed in reverie, one feels neither the pull of the past nor does one reach into the future. Time is nothing, or rather time is nothing but the experience of the present through which one passes without hurry, but without regret. As Wittgenstein writes in what must be the most intriguing remark in the “Tractatus,” “the eternal life is given to those who live in the present.” Or ,as Whitman writes in “Leaves of Grass”: “Happiness is not in another place, but in this place…not for another hour…but this hour.”

Rousseau asks, “What is the source of our happiness in such a state?” He answers that it is nothing external to us and nothing apart from our own existence. However frenetic our environment, such a feeling of existence can be achieved. He then goes on, amazingly, to conclude, “as long as this state lasts we are self-sufficient like God.”

God-like, then. To which one might reply: Who? Me? Us? Like God? Dare we? But think about it: If anyone is happy, then one imagines that God is pretty happy, and to be happy is to be like God. But consider what this means, for it might not be as ludicrous, hybristic or heretical as one might imagine. To be like God is to be without time, or rather in time with no concern for time, free of the passions and troubles of the soul, experiencing something like calm in the face of things and of oneself.

Why should happiness be bound up with the presence and movement of water? This is the case for Rousseau and I must confess that if I think back over those experiences of blissful reverie that are close to what Rousseau is describing then it is often in proximity to water, although usually saltwater rather than fresh. For me, it is not so much the stillness of a lake (I tend to see lakes as decaffeinated seas), but rather the never-ending drone of the surf, sitting by the sea in fair weather or foul and feeling time disappear into tide, into the endless pendulum of the tidal range. At moments like this, one can sink into deep reverie, a motionlessness that is not sleep, but where one is somehow held by the sound of the surf, lulled by the tidal movement.

Is all happiness solitary? Of course not. But one can be happy alone and this might even be the key to being happy with others. Wordsworth wandered lonely as a cloud when walking with his sister. However, I think that one can also experience this feeling of existence in the experience of love, in being intimate with one’s lover, feeling the world close around one and time slips away in its passing. Rousseau’s rowing boat becomes the lovers’ bed and one bids the world farewell as one slides into the shared selfishness of intimacy.

…And then it is over. Time passes, the reverie ends and the feeling for existence fades. The cell phone rings, the e-mail beeps and one is sucked back into the world’s relentless hum and our accompanying anxiety.”

Essay found on NYtimes.com.

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muddy water

One of my greatest dislikes in someone’s character is simply mediocrity. I don’t care who you are or what circumstances you are under, you are worth more than being mediocre. Falling short to the undeniably gifted talents God has given you is sad to me.. I am not trying to be harsh. I just think it is so important to realize talent and utilize it. It is my belief that we are all unique in personality and we are each responsible for contributing to the world something great. Whether that be someone who can bake cakes, care for children at a daycare, treat the sick, create music, entertain with athleticism, WHATEVER your talent is, it is useful. Don’t be mediocre. Don’t fall victim to society’s relatively low standards of talent recognition. Don’t do something because it’s “easy” or “acceptable”. Do what you are good at it. And do a lot of it. And grow a passion for it.

Ahhh, yes. Passion.

Passion awakens the soul. Passion makes life bright. Passion lies within every harbored and complex mind. Passion is within all of us. Some will choose to feed it and water it and love it and create something amazing with it. Others will let it die. Don’t be the latter person. Develop a passion for something, someone, anything. Just be passionate. This world is full of muddy, polluted water.

Don’t be dirty water.

Don’t be the leftovers. Or the one that is left behind after everything else has been cleaned. Be the fresh, pioneering person that creates rare paths and casts new light on existing institutions. Be the person that thinks differently, acts differently. I don’t care if you have a passion for trading baseball cards. Just don’t be a mediocre baseball card trader. Don’t be a casually involved grandmother, if being a grandmother is your passion. Make footprints that don’t get washed away. If you love music, create music. If you love singing, sing. Follow your passions. Follow the things that keep you awake at night but are also the things that illustrate your dreams. Passion makes doing things that are difficult or challenging or, shall we even say, impossible doable. Passion is as strong as “You’re not good enough.” Passion is stronger than “You can’t do that.” Passion prevails.

When I was a sophomore in high school, a lofty two years ago, I was heavily concerned with the fact that I felt as if I didn’t have any passions. Truly. What inspired me? What made me want to be a better person? What made me want to move forward and pursue something? I have always loved science. I have always loved painting. I have not always loved reading or writing or recognizing beautiful things in everyday life. I realize now in retrospect that I was so concerned with others, with relationships, with ideologies, that I didn’t take time to explore what motivated me or made me feel happy. This is so important!! Try new things. Take existing passions (art, for example) and adventure into different areas related to that to see if you like new things (writing and reading, for example). Be passionate people. It is such a flattering quality to possess!

So don’t be mediocre. Don’t be like the rest of the world, because they are average. You are not average. You are worth ten thousand times more than your average self. You are rare. You hold something that is creative and ready to blossom within you. Go swing a bat, take an art class, babysit a child, shadow a doctor, help the elderly, write some poems, go for a run. Be proactive. Be intriguing. Be passionate 🙂


some of my everyday mantras:

  • you are worth more than this
  • you are more than a body
  • God has so much planned for you
  • the hardest day still only has 24 hours
  • love like Jesus
  • the future is brighter than the brightest moment of the present
  • you are different, but you are unique
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